I was talking to a friend of mine today. She is smart, intelligent and a warm person. A girl who can keep her head and handle the most difficult of situations. She recently got married and since I couldn’t attend the wedding I had called her to ask how the wedding went and how married life was treating her. We were generally talking when she came out and told me how the guy she married was not someone she liked or respected but someone whom her parents had thought was best for her. Now this might not be a very shocking information, but I was a bit startled when I heard this. On further conversation she told me that this was a small sacrifice she did in order to make her parents happy. I wished her well and after a brief talk ended the call.
This phone call got me thinking. How many girls out there are actually marrying a person they like and respect? Sure not everyone has the chance to fall in love with a guy and then marry, but I would like to think every girl at least has a chance to make sure she ends up with someone who is compatible to her and someone who likes and respects her. This is when the concept of sacrifice never appeals to me. How can a sacrifice be a good thing when it’s going to make you feel miserable and unhappy? Do people really think they can make others happy by a sacrifice that makes them unhappy?
I have found out that I am not capable of making my loved ones happy as long as I am, to an extent, happy and content with my own life. Does that make me a selfish person? I hear some people talk in length about how much meaning gets added to their life when they sacrifice for others. Sure a sacrifice for others can make you happy, only if you are satisfied and happy to make it. If making the sacrifice is going to haunt you for the rest of your life I would say you are better off not doing it.
I had a colleague at work that would never come out for any movies with us. On asking her why she said that her parents had asked her not to go out for movies with friends and she said it was a sacrifice she was making for them and that it felt great to sacrifice something for the people you loved. I would have accepted this and even appreciated her if she had been happy with this decision. But she felt miserable not being able to come out with us and always used to ask us with a puppy dog look how the movie was when we came back. Is this a sacrifice that’s good for her or even for her parents?
In every walk of life I always see people, especially women making sacrifices for someone, be it parents or husband or in laws and convince themselves that it’s a great feeling to sacrifice for your loved ones when in reality it makes them more unhappy. So why do we do it? Do we think that makes us nurturing and caring human beings? Or do we think we as a woman have it in us to sacrifice all our happiness to keep our loved ones happy? Or are we just succumbing to the label that making a sacrifice and adjusting is what makes us a true woman? I would love to get some answers!
Since jotting down points is one of my interests and also since I am unable to think of anything clever to blog right now, let me present to you the top five most stupid and uncouth things I have noticed some men do in workplaces. Before you pounce on me let me also add that most of the points below have been confirmed by my other girlfriends as occurring in their workplaces too.
1.) Please, pretty please do not push past ladies when you are getting into the company bus. There is place for everyone in the bus and you won’t be left standing. It’s not only rude to push past them, but it’s downright inhuman to push past heavily pregnant ladies. It makes me wonder what kind of manners you were taught growing up or whether you don’t realize you are never ever going to get a date with any girl who sees you doing this.
2.) Do not, I repeat do not burp loudly during a conference/meeting or a business lunch or for that matter even a normal lunch with your team mates/friends. It’s an extremely uncouth behavior and you will go100 points down in my book if you do it. There are subtle ways to burp and you should always apologize after you do it. Burping in public is not your birth right!
3.) Slamming the door on the face of the girl coming right behind you. You needn’t go out of your way to keep the door open for the next person coming in, but would it hurt if you have to hold the door open for another 3 seconds in order to let the girl right behind you get in? Is that so difficult?
4.) Do not ask a girl her age. This is such an age old proverb that I would think you would have it ingrained in your head by now. But no, I have had many guys come to me and ask my age. Also if the girl politely declines giving an answer to your obviously stupid question let go. Don’t stand by pestering her until she is forced to give you an answer.
5.) Do not offer a girl any marital advice. It’s none of your fcuking business and please be assured that every girl has her own plans and reasons for having gotten married or to still remain single. Every time you get an urge to offer your extremely vast knowledge in this subject, do everyone a favor and slap yourself hard on your face.
I walk back home tired and drunk with sleep. I stagger on my steps and might easily look like a drunk to any innocent passersby. I know, not a very nice scene and definitely not one of the scenes you see out of a romantic Gautham Menon movie where the heroine walks back home from work in perfect make up and fully done hair, where the hero all macho follows her. No sir that’s not how it happens here. The make up carefully applied in the morning is all gone, the hair is frizzy thanks to the bloody humidity and heat in Chennai and there is sadly no macho hero who follows me either. Unless you can count the creepy guy in the car wash shop who looks at me like he has never seen a girl in his life. But I digress.
Anyways I get home and there is amma watching TV and appa busy with some book. I get inside and say an enthusiastic Hi or at least a Hi that I can muster with the energy left in me. Amma waves back not peeling her eyes off the TV, in case she misses one scene in the serial which is running for 2 years now and whose story you just cannot miss even if you have been sleeping through it for one whole year. Appa grunts something which is barely audible. I resign, leave them to their respective pleasures and head to my room.
I change and then get hooked to the big bad world of WWW when amma calls from the hall “vandu sapdu…time aachu”*. This is when I have launched into a full bitch session with the BFF on chat. I shout back “pasikkala..apruma sapdaren”** which is returned with “ippo sapta nan poderen illana nee than eduthu potukanum”***.My laziness gets the better of me and I reluctantly say bye to the BFF asking her to remember the exact place where we left the conversation so that we can take it up the next day.
I go to get my dinner and polambify**** some more about how she always makes the spinach that I hate or the beans which she considers “healthy”. After some scolding from the mater I eat what’s on the plate without any further fuss. By then I have to snatch the remote off my appa’s hand where he insists on watching some stupid cricket match. Then I sit to eat in peace while watching ‘Two and a half men’ or ‘The Simpsons’. Appa as on cue gets into one of his infamous lectures about how youngsters these days have no discipline whatsoever which is promptly ignored by my brain cells because duh Charlie Sheen is there on the screen. How can one possibly concentrate on anything else apart from him?
Dinner gets over and its time to hit the bed so that I can open them eyelids the next day morning to drag myself to work. I say goodnight to amma and appa and just about to flop into my extra thick mattress bed when amma reminds me to brush my teeth and wash my face. I give her an angry glare which of course has no effects that it’s intended to have. Dejected and reminding myself to improvise on my ‘glare’ I dutifully do the needful and flop into bed within 2 minutes.
I then dream about Surya or some handsome guy I have seen somewhere in the office or on the roads when a huge smile crosses my face and I blissfully start sleeping.
Ah what an exciting life I lead.
* Come and eat its time.
** Not hungry I’ll eat later
*** I’ll serve if you eat now, else you have to serve yourself.
My first post!! Can’t believe it took so long to get into the blogging world. Well I guess people don’t call me a ‘born procrastinator’ for no reason.
Anyways better late than never. See ya all around!
And yes please welcome me in! 🙂